A parent returning home from deployment is an exciting, joyful time. While family members are happy to be reunited, the initial excitement eventually wears off and families are left to figure out how to readjust to the change.? Every member of the family has changed and grown over the course of the deployment so be patient when it comes to reestablishing connections and routines. Everyone will need some time. There are many things you can do to make the adjustment period as smooth as possible.
- Limit the surprises. Keep the deployed family member up to date with any changes you?ve made to the house or changes in the family?s schedule. Keep them in the loop even when they can?t be there to help with the decisions so when they come home they are not hit with many changes at once.
- Listen and reconnect. Everyone has been operating in different environments so it will take time to readjust being together again. Be honest about sharing feelings and listen to the needs of the returning member.
- Communicate! Open discussion of expectations prior to returning home are helpful if possible. Discuss responsibilities you each have now (finances, child care, etc.) and have they will change after deployment.
- Approach discipline as a team. One of you has been the main disciplinarian for a while but now that both of you are there, it?s important to discuss what you both think are appropriate responses to bad behavior. If you are the returning parent gradually step back into the disciplinary role as your child is now used to discipline coming from the other parent and may be confused or defiant if you try to take over immediately.
- Plan family activities. Enjoy your time together. Go to the park, play board games, go on a bike ride, draw, etc. Doing activities together can help everyone reconnect as a family.
- Get involved with caretaking again. If you were the one gone try changing diapers, help kids get ready for school, or drive them to their activities. This can help to reestablish a routine and help you get used to home life again.
- Utilize help offered by the military. The military and other organizations can direct you to many resources to help adjust to life after deployment. Remember they are there to help!
Children may need a period of time to warm up to the returning parent, as this time can be overwhelming and confusing for them. Their developmental level will influence their response to the returning family member. Toddlers may not remember the parent well, school age children may not understand a parent?s need to take care of themselves and spend time with their spouses, and teens may seem distant as they carry on their activities with friends so let children readjust on their own time.
Quick tips:
- Don?t force hugs or play time
- Listen to what they tell you and accept their feelings
- Talk about things they are interested in
- Make time to play together if they want
- Reinforce your love for your child (hugs, kisses, etc)
- Spend time reviewing schoolwork, pictures, etc that were done while you were gone.
- Praise them for what they?ve accomplished during the deployment
- Have respect for their privacy and friends
- Encourage them to share what has happened in their personal lives but don?t push or criticize.
Please check out our Resources on our website and community-based resources on Go-Gyro-Go.
Gyro Psychology Services, Inc.
360.236.0206
Source: http://gyropsychology.com/blog/adjusting-to-a-family-member-returning-from-deployment/
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